Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The relaxation exercise, week three
I'll be honest, I'm having a hard time focusing right now. I just finished seminar for my other class, and I have an hour and a half to finish the rest of my coursework for the week. I have had a few beers tonight, trying to relax and let the days worries go away. My wife is stressed out, so its hard to rely on her tonight to help me talk and relieve my stress because I need to be strong for her and the kids. I try to focus on the relaxation exercise, and find myself drifting off to the days events in a sort of a day dream. I went to work for a few hours putting in windows for somebody to make a few bucks, I had to go to the ATM just to buy groceries for supper, and picked up the children for dance. The real estate agent came over and explained the whole selling aspect of my house, and I was dissappointed. Three years plus I spend in this part of the country, working to make a living and a life for myself and my family. The countless nights and days I spent away from home filter through my head, convinced that I was doing what a husband and father should. Now I have no job, frustration overcomes me, and I feel angry inside because I have gave so much but have nothing to show for it. I come out of my daydream and hear a segment on love, and think of my wife and children, they are what is most important. I think of the smiles and laughs during the day, they are few but yet so refreshing. My children don't see me as a person that is struggling to figure life out, only one that cares and makes them laugh even when times are the worst. I have a moment of bliss, realizing that all isn't bad in the world, and finally notice the segment has ended. Another relaxation exercise that I couldn't concentrate on, but yet provided me with a few minutes of relaxation and calmness none the less.
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You are not alone in the feelings of thinking you aren't contributing to the household. I have been out of work since 1/08 due to the GBS. We are making it but only barely. There are so many things that my daughter needs-basic things like new sneakers, more clothes as she has outgrown most of what she has now-car/truck need work. I can appreciate where you are at right now. For me I think the biggest problem with this exercise so far has been learning to love myself. As it says in our reading (Dacher book), if you can't love yourself you can't show others that you love them.
ReplyDeletehey hang in there and it will come to you. I truly believe that good comes to all that wait and dont dwell on the could have beens. It sounds like you are making the most of what you have with your family and that is always important, so dont look down but up and smile and be positive in your approach it can be very cotagious and then good will spread around you. I know it sometimes sounds like a fairy tale or the movies but I truly see it happen all the time. I remember a speech from a couple of years ago that helps me alot, the phrase goes like this, get up and stand up and dont you ever give up. those three ups are what I repeat to myself whenever I need a pick me up
ReplyDeletegood luck!!